Ken Buist - FOUNDER

Transformational Speaker
 
expect to be enriched, challenged & empowered to be the best you can be by the Author, Speaker & Trusted Adviser Ken Buist.
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Keynotes
Design Your Destiny™
SHAPED For Success™
Discover Your Purpose™
SHAPED For Leadership™
Demolish Your Strongholds™
Developing Trust & Rapport™

RAPPORT & The 3 CRUCIAL NEEDS

 Whatever an individual’s situational needs may be at any given time, we all have a permanent drive to have three crucial needs within us met, whatever the situation. These three crucial needs are Security, Significance and Self –Worth. Understanding and seeking to help others to have these needs met will enormously facilitate the establishment of rapport.

 Security means different things to different people. Accumulating wealth is regarded by many as the best form of security. Being in control is another means by which people seek security. Whatever mechanisms people use to seek security, we believe the only time we truly feel secure is when we experience “unconditional love”. If I communicate that I love someone, it doesn’t mean a sexual attraction or a sentimental foolishness. It simply means that I have a desire for their greater good. It involves laying aside selfish motives, and being prepared to sacrifice what I want, in order to achieve their greater good.

Significance is the second crucial need. Titles, status, and power, all provide a temporary source of significance but if removed the effect can be shattering. The reality is that we all need to feel important. Knowing that our lives count for something and that our efforts are appreciated is part of our humanity.

We believe we all have a distinct purpose in life for which we are uniquely equipped. Finding that purpose and living that purpose brings a significance and importance that cannot be eroded by time or people. What is it that currently drives your life?

During any connection, make it your goal to make the other person feel important. You can achieve this by acknowledging them and adapting your behaviour to accommodate them as opposed to imposing your behaviour upon them. Taking the time to do this will greatly enhance rapport.

Self-worth is the third of our crucial needs. This is not the same as significance. It is this loss of being valued by others that impacts our sense of self-worth. To experience self-worth is to feel valued, irrespective of one’s social significance.

We all need to sense that not only what we do adds value, but that who we are is valued. After all we are human beings and not human doings. It is a basic human desire to believe that we are personally regarded as worthwhile. No one would want to build rapport with those who regard their contributions as worthless, or their presence as unnecessary. In order to build rapport, we need to ensure the message we convey is that the other party is valued as a person. We do this by making sure we listen more than we talk, make eye contact, and demonstrate that we understand their point of view.

It is a recognised psychological truth that if we genuinely try to understand another person's point of view, with sincerity and empathy, they become psychologically obligated to try to understand ours.

We all need to have a sense of feeling loved, important and valued - there are no exceptions. Many therapy sessions that aim to bring resolution to deep painful issues, address the failure to have one or more of these needs met.

 

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"The Character Traits of
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